May Horoscopes

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) *****

Put a log on the fire & a lager in your tummy. Relax while you can, because after the 17th it’ll be all business, and you better be ready to impress. This Month: don’t linger with your lager.

Lucky Number: 1.6


Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20) *****

You were hoping this would say something cheerful, so… something cheerful. Get your creative juices flowing with a big pot of spaghetti. This Month: It’s still too cold for swimming pools, so put your floaties away.

Lucky Number: Eleventeen


Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) *****

Life is like Peanut Butter, it’s just not the same without chocolate, but there’s still a million things you could do with it. Luck is on your side. This Month: You’re thinking about Reese’s cups aren’t you…

Lucky Number: 2 (Reese’s cups in a package)


Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) *****

New Moon. New Birthday. New Plans. New shoes for those new plans, and new socks for those new shoes. You’re worth it. This Month: Don’t regret any of those accessories that go with the aforementioned shoes, just buy them.

Lucky Number: 7 ½ - 8 ½


Gemini (May 21 – June 20) *****

The Sun isn’t just a ball of gas in the sky, it’s everything. It’s your mood, your happiness, your energy. This Month; Forget about Twilight and get out.

Lucky Number: SBF 35


Cancer (June 21 – July 22) *****

If you’re still not on the cover of Sports Illustrated, consider taking up golf, it doesn’t look too hard. Love, or something like it, is on its way, and it’s not Italian. This Month: Climb the ladder at work, just don’t look down.

Lucky Number: 62


Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) *****

There’s no Leo in Team, work together to get ahead at work. Rethink romantic decisions or else. This Month: your Checkbook will thank you for avoiding your family.

Lucky Number: 0


Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) *****

Your meticulous planning pays off by months end. Embrace Really Purple Socks. This Month: If you can’t decide what to do, go to the Beachland, everyday, even Brunch on Saturdays & Sundays, and did you know they have a new iPhone app.

Lucky Number: Blue


Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) *****

Technology will help you succeed in business, if you avoid angry birds. Get UnBirthday presents for your loved ones. This Month: If you can't be the Emperor, try to be the Mayor.

Lucky Number: Par 3


Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) *****

Mercury and Venus are opposite your sun, and will make you extremely photogenic. Spend your extra time in the garden surrounded with greenery. This Month: the best kind of drama is on tivo.

Lucky Number: 7


Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) *

Spring makes you want to have all your meetings outside, so schedule them that way, unless you have allergies, then come prepared. Romance requires surprises. This Month:  Think Madonna & Express Yourself

Lucky Number: 5 Bazillion


Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 18) *****

Let daffodils guide you to the enjoyment of Frisbee golf. Colorful plaid is your friend, and so is anything pastel, especially mint green. This Month: You’re daring enough to wear mint green, you just don’t know it yet.

Lucky Number: 39.95

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Volume 2, Issue 3, Posted 3:44 PM, 05.04.2011